What’s Inside Your Shame Suitcase?

By Kristi M. Estrada, LPC-S, NCC, SEP

Last week, I shared how shame often travels with us like a suitcase—sometimes hidden, sometimes so heavy we can hardly carry it.

This week, I want to invite you to take the next step: gently peeking inside.

When I first started my healing journey, I didn’t even know my suitcase existed. I just knew I felt small, afraid to be seen, and sure that there was something wrong with me.

My suitcase was packed during my years growing up in foster care, when life felt unpredictable and my sense of belonging was always fragile.

Inside were beliefs like:

• “I’m too much.”
• “I’m a burden.”
• “People leave because I’m unlovable.”

Each belief felt like a brick in that suitcase, adding weight to every step I took.

Over the years, I learned something life-changing:

Many of those bricks weren’t mine to carry. Some were packed by the voices of people who were hurting themselves. Others came from moments when I felt invisible or afraid. Some were shaped by cultural messages about who I “should” be.

Shame can come from so many places. Maybe your suitcase carries:

• A harsh voice from childhood telling you you’re “lazy” or “bad.”
• Memories of being left out or rejected.
• Cultural or religious rules that made you feel not enough.
• Secrets you’ve held onto out of fear.
• Stories about your worth are tied to how much you achieve.

Sometimes we carry things for decades, believing they define us, when in truth, they were never ours to begin with.

I once worked with a client I’ll call Ana (details changed for privacy). Ana believed she was “lazy” and carried deep shame about feeling exhausted every day.

As we explored her suitcase, she remembered being a child in a home where resting was called “selfish.” Her parents believed that unless you were working, you were failing.

Ana realized that her shame wasn’t truly hers—it belonged to generations of people who tied worth to constant work.

When she recognized this, Ana started to replace the weight in her suitcase with new truths, like:

“Rest is not lazy. Rest is how I care for my mind, body, and spirit.”

If you feel ready, I invite you to gently look into your own suitcase this week.

✨ Try this gentle practice:

1. Sit somewhere quiet and take a few slow breaths.
2. Imagine your suitcase. What does it look like? Heavy? Small? Bright? Locked?
3. Picture opening it just a little. What do you see inside?
4. Choose one belief or memory and ask:
   • “When did I first start believing this?”
   • “Whose voice does this sound like?”
   • “Does this belief keep me safe—or keep me small?”
   • “Is this truly mine to carry?”

   5. If it doesn’t belong to you, ask yourself:

• “What would I rather carry instead?”

Recently, I noticed an old belief trying to slip back into my suitcase: “I have to do everything perfectly or people will leave.”

I paused and asked myself:

• “Whose voice is this?” → It’s the voice of a young girl in foster care trying to survive.
• “Is this mine to carry?” → No. I’m allowed to be human and imperfect.
• “What do I want to carry instead?” → “I am worthy of love, even when I make mistakes.”

Even after all these years of healing, old items sometimes try to sneak back into my suitcase. The difference now is that I know how to check whether they truly belong.

You are not the contents of your suitcase. You are not the harsh words others said to you, or the labels placed on you, or the silence you endured.

You are worthy of compassion, belonging, and love—exactly as you are.

This week, I hope you’ll give yourself the gift of curiosity, not judgment. Look gently at what you’re carrying. You might be surprised by what doesn’t belong to you at all.

If you’d like support or want to join a community of others finding freedom from shame, I warmly invite you to connect with me and explore the Healing Servant community.

Together, we can travel lighter.

With hope and care,
Kristi M. Estrada, LPC-S, NCC, SEP

www.healingservant.com

Kristi M. Estrada, LPC-S, NCC, SEP

As the founder of Healing Servant (formerly Alliance Coaching and Counseling Group) in Phoenix, AZ, I’m a compassionate somatic therapist and trauma-informed advocate. With over 30 years of experience in child welfare, foster care, and human trafficking, I specialize in Trauma Restorative Care™, blending somatic and attachment-based therapies to help individuals heal and reclaim joy.

My passion for this work isn’t just professional—it’s personal. I’ve walked my own path through the complexities of generational trauma, learning firsthand how patterns of pain and survival can echo across families and shape who we become. My journey has taught me that healing is possible and that we can transform even deeply rooted wounds into spaces of resilience, compassion, and hope.

A lifelong learner, I hold certifications in Somatic Experiencing and Trauma Stress Studies. I mentor therapists, speak on trauma recovery, and advocate for vulnerable communities. It’s my most profound belief that no one has to walk their healing journey alone.

If you’re ready to begin—or continue—your own healing journey, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Let’s explore what’s possible together. Contact me for a complimentary consultation at www.healingservant.com.