Pause, Breathe, Reflect: A Healing Practice for Seeking Assurance

Dear You,

I see how hard you’re working to navigate life’s ups and downs, and I’m so honored to be here with you. Sometimes, when things feel overwhelming or you notice that part of you striving to control everything, it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world. I want to offer you a gentle practice to help you pause, find your center, and reconnect with what truly grounds you. This is called the Pause, Breathe, Reflect practice, and it’s a way to soften that controlling part of you with kindness and clarity. Let’s walk through this together, as if we’re sitting side by side, with all the warmth and care I have for you.

You are so precious, and your heart deserves moments of peace. That part of you that tries to control things—it’s doing its best to keep you safe, to make sure everything feels okay. But sometimes, it can leave you feeling exhausted or looking to others for reassurance in ways that don’t fully nourish you. This practice invites you to pause and ask yourself, “Am I looking to people or to God for assurance?” It’s not about judgment—it’s about listening to yourself with love and finding a deeper sense of trust. By documenting your reflections, you’ll create a space to see your patterns and invite God’s presence into your journey. This is a gift you’re giving yourself, and I’m so proud of you for it.

• A quiet corner where you feel safe (but if it’s noisy, we’ll make it work).
• A comfortable seat, like a cozy chair or your favorite spot on the couch.
• A journal or notebook and a pen—something you enjoy writing in.
• About 5–10 minutes, though you can take as long as feels right.
• If you don’t have a journal, a piece of paper or even the notes app on your phone will do.

I’m right here with you, holding this space. This practice is simple, and there’s no way to get it wrong. It’s just you, showing up for yourself with tenderness. Let’s begin.

Sometimes, you might feel that part of you that wants to take charge—maybe it shows up as a racing mind, a tightness in your chest, or a need to make sure everyone else is okay. It might feel like you’re trying to hold everything together. When you notice this part activating, just acknowledge it gently. You might say to yourself, “Oh, there’s that part of me trying to control things again.” No need to push it away—it’s just trying to help. This step is about noticing with compassion, like you’re giving that part a soft hug.

Why do this? Recognizing this part helps you see it as something separate from all of who you are. It’s not the whole you—it’s just a piece that’s working hard. Naming it with kindness creates a little space to breathe.

Now, let’s slow things down. Pause whatever you’re doing, even if it’s just for a moment. If you can, sit down and let your feet rest on the floor. Place your hands on your lap or gently on your heart. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, feeling your belly rise, and let it out through your mouth with a soft sigh. Do this two more times—breathe in, and let it go. Each breath is like a little invitation to come back to yourself.

If your mind is busy, that’s okay. Just notice it and let the breath be your anchor. You might imagine your breath as a warm, golden light, softening that controlling part with every exhale.

Why do this? Pausing and breathing helps calm your nervous system, creating a safe space for reflection. It’s like pressing a gentle reset button, reminding your body and heart that you’re here, and you’re enough.

With your body a little calmer, ask yourself this tender question: “Am I looking to people or to God for assurance?” Let the question settle in your heart. There’s no rush to answer. You might feel an immediate response, or it might take a moment. Maybe you notice you’ve been seeking approval from others—a friend, a family member, or even a stranger’s opinion. Or maybe you feel a pull to lean into God’s steady presence, that unchanging love that holds you.

Don’t judge whatever comes up. If you’re looking to people, that’s human, and it’s okay. If you feel connected to God, that’s beautiful too. Just listen to what your heart says, like you’re having a quiet conversation with a trusted friend.

Why do this? This question helps you explore where you’re placing your trust. It invites you to notice your patterns with curiosity and to remember that God’s love is always there, ready to hold you, no matter what.

Grab your journal or whatever you’re using to write. Jot down what came up when you asked the question. You might write, “I noticed I’ve been worrying about what my coworker thinks of me,” or “I felt a sense of peace when I thought about God’s presence.” You can also note how your body feels—maybe there’s a lightness in your chest or a lingering tension. If emotions arise, like relief or sadness, write those too. This is your space to be honest and real.

If writing feels hard, you can keep it short—a sentence or two is enough. Or, if you want, let it flow. You might even write a little prayer or a note to yourself, like, “I’m learning to trust God’s love a bit more today.”

Why do this? Writing helps you process and see your thoughts clearly. Over time, your journal becomes a map of your journey, showing you how you’re growing and where God is meeting you. It’s a way to honor your experience and give it a home.

Take one more slow breath, letting it fill you with warmth. Maybe place a hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Wiggle your fingers or toes to bring yourself back to the moment. Notice how you feel—maybe a little quieter, maybe a little more connected. You don’t need to feel “fixed”—you just gave yourself a moment of care, and that’s so powerful.

If you want, you can end with a short prayer, like, “God, thank you for being my assurance. Help me trust you more each day.” Or just sit in the stillness for a second, feeling held.

This is yours to use whenever that controlling part shows up—maybe when you’re stressed about a decision, worried about someone’s opinion, or just feeling out of sorts. Try it once a day, or whenever you need it. Each time you pause, breathe, and reflect, you’re building a bridge to a deeper trust in God’s love and in yourself.

If you’d like, share what this practice feels like for you when we meet. I’d love to hear how it’s touching your heart—not because you have to tell me, but because your story matters so much to me. You’re not alone in this, and I’m here, cheering you on.

You are so brave for showing up for yourself like this. That controlling part? It’s just one piece of your beautiful, complex self, and it’s learning to rest as you lean into God’s assurance. I believe in you, and I know God is holding you close, always. Keep this practice as a reminder that you’re worthy of peace, and you’re never alone on this journey.

Kristi M. Estrada, LPC-S, NCC, SEP, founder of Healing Servant (formally Alliance Coaching and Counseling Group) (Phoenix, AZ, since 2015), I’m a compassionate somatic therapist and trauma-informed advocate. With over 30 years of experience in child welfare, foster care, and human trafficking, I specialize in Trauma Restorative Care™, blending somatic and attachment-based therapies to help you heal and reclaim joy. A lifelong learner with certifications in Somatic Experiencing and Trauma Stress Studies, I mentor therapists, speak on trauma recovery, and advocate for vulnerable communities. Let’s walk together toward your healing—contact me for a free consultation www.healingservant.com