My Perspective on Forgiveness

People ask me all the time if I’ve forgiven those who have hurt me deeply, especially in relationships. Honestly, forgiveness is always something I want.

I try really hard to look at people through their lens — to see how they were raised, what influenced them, and how life shaped who they became. I remind myself that they’re human and imperfect, just like the rest of us, and that sometimes they didn’t have the resources or understanding they needed to do better.

At the same time, I try not to get stuck in constantly making meaning out of what happened to me. I’ve learned that sometimes there just isn’t a reason that makes it all make sense, and trying too hard to find one can keep me trapped in the pain instead of helping me heal.

My understanding of what happened often changes as I grow and have new experiences. Sometimes I see things differently or gain new insight into myself and even into the people who hurt me.

I’ve heard so many times that forgiveness is something that frees me, and I do believe that’s true. But I also know that forgiveness doesn’t erase the memories, the losses, the abuse, or the consequences that still linger. The impact is real and doesn’t just vanish because I choose to forgive.

For me, forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s more about trying to hold compassion for how messy and complicated people and life can be — and about freeing myself from carrying bitterness and resentment.

So when people ask if I’ve forgiven, my honest answer is that I’m still choosing it, over and over. It’s a process, not a single moment. And my hope is always to see those who hurt me as whole people, not only as the sum of the harm they caused.